Marriages are failing at an alarming rate. Please remember God ordained marriages hold on to your fate. Let’s celebrate loud and clear ,thank God for your marriages . All couples please share with us, how many years you’ve been married, and tell us something that works for you.
This albeit is a difficult thing to do yet obtainable. As I write in my blog, I want to share things that are encouraging, helpful, and things I experienced 1st hand.
Love under pressure is something I have dealt with countless times during my marriage. Be it financial, children, emotional, you name it we mostly have handled it. When you have two people that are committed to each other in love and matrimony, you just don’t check out. If difficult times come, (error, rephrase) not if, when difficult times come, the question is how do you handle it, and keep your love alive.
When I say alive, it’s because many times your love for one another will need to be resuscitated. Some people like to say “been through a lot but still standing”. I know what they mean but you can be still standing and about to keel over. The kick stand is about to brake.
Let me share what has worked for us,
1) Develop and have a prayer life with God. The one that sustains you.
Anchor yourself in him, each for yourself and together.
2) You must speak your feelings, your needs and get a plan to tackle the difficulties.
Do not shut down and refuse to communicate. That is a state of withdrawal a divorce.
When you disagree, argue, drop the need to be right, let go of your ego. If one of you loses you both lose so work on understanding the need or issue from each other’s perspective. This is more about comprehension and compassion and less about who’s right or wrong. Hear each other out, resist the urge to interrupt, say I told you so or criticize. You may not agree and at times you won’t but just understand their perspective on it, and their feelings. Connect with them if only in their eyes. Like “ baby I understand”.
I realized earlier on in my marriage is, that if I tear him down verbally, by insults etc. He is still my man and guess who has to take all that necessary time to build him up again, me.
3) Prioritize things, by order of urgency, at the same time do not shuffle your each other in the process. He/she must stay at the top, all the rest of the people and issues in descending order.
4) Commit to a time just for the two of you. During that time it’s all about the both of you, don’t mention the issues. Whether in the bedroom or go release some tension by playing a game of tennis, basketball, play the Wii. Workout together to release that stress, and tension. Get couples massage, or to save money give them to each other. Here’s a secret don’t give the massages to each other on the same day, somebody is going to get cheated because the one that gets the massage first will fall asleep.
5) Strategize, make a budget.
Shoulder the responsibilities, talking with bill collectors, which can cause a lot of stress therefore take turns, give the other one a break. Be honest as possible.
6) When you’re under pressure it is not a pretty picture. It is hard to see them as sexy, handsome, now you’re looking at them with a critical eye. Try not to internalize it because when you internalize it , it becomes a point where you will look at each other differently. Almost as if you’re on opposing sides, it will begin to distort the relationship. I would always remind my husband he’s not sleeping with the enemy, so don’t deal with it by his self. Don’t go to bed mad and refuse to talk. This will frustrate you and in turn you will look for quick ways out to relieve the pressure. Vices of every kind, the arm of flesh, gambling, alcohol, etc. This is the easy way out and must I remind you the wrong way out. Anybody can succumb to illicit pleasures,but it takes a strong mature person to resist the easy way out. When you’ve done all there is to stand, stand therefore.
7) Give each other a lot of praise and affection which will heal the little tears in your spirit and feelings of humiliation or of being inept. It will renew your relationship like new skin.
Remember a threefold cord is not easily broken. That consists of the two of you and God. Which can handle anything that can come against you.
Keep the love alive, trust me the pressure will subside. When it does love will still be there in full force.
Ok2LoveAgain Marriage/Relationships/Life Coaching
Call us for more factors to keep your love alive.
Coach Carl & Coach Audrey Reed
Variety is the key, try not to get into a routine. This can be hard with our busy lives but we have to be vigilant so we can be spontaneous.
Now every time you indulge it doesn’t have to be romantic . Men sometime want to forego the romance and go for the quickie, the freaky, the wild yet all the time keep the respect and loving bond.
This is the Darling Menu , everything you can get from your darling.
Take advantage of his morning salute.
Kiss from head to toe , get lost along the way.
When no one else is home declare your house a nudist camp and do everything in the nude together.
Have dessert on them like a plate.
Blindfold and tie your mate up.
Video tape your sexcapades than watch and enjoy then erase.
Go on a sexual fast, no sex only touch and arousal touch for 10-20-30 days. Then come back together for a renewed heightened experience. If you do decide to do this you must pick up in the other areas, massage, spa time at home or away, touching to arousal but not indulging. Talking sexy, sexting, little gifts, immersing yourself in loving each other,
Don’t just rekindle, do some new things.
When was the last time you took a shower together?
How about a bubble bath, if you can’t fit in your tub google a hotel that has a Jacuzzi.
Where there is a desire, than you have fuel for the fire.
Midnight picnic in your home.
Try different positions, see how limber you are.
Do it now while you can still do the positions.
Tell your mate exactly what you want, need, if they don’t know tell them verbatim. Show and tell them.
What are your fantasies, your imagination for your intimacy?
Role play, dress up, play truth or dare in the bedroom.
Tie up and blind fold.
Perform a strip tease, lap dance for your mate
Have fun be childlike with adult freedom.
It’s ok that is your partner, you’re adults, enjoy each other.
Change your roles if you’re a professional in your career, when you come home totally relax, switch gears.
Become playful, flirty, and romantic. If you’re use to being the initiator, relax it’s time for your mate to take charge.
I have much more recipes on the menu but I will save for other sextacular articles.
My basis for this article is to encourage you to enjoy one another. Let nothing or no one hinder you from fulfilling your partners desires, and loving them to best of your ability.
It has nothing to do with either you do it or someone else will, that may be true. We are not animals that act on instinct. That is a choice. Put all that energy into your relationship and you will have a Sexcessful and Sextacular year and life. This is all conducive to a happier relationship and a happier you. Which makes it Sexcellent
The bond you share with your mate is unlike any other bond, it goes to the core of your soul. Because you become one with them sexually. That creates an unmatched relationship with any other creature. The bible calls it to know them.
This isn’t the same kind of marriage you grew up on. Today’s marriages and relationships have to deal with attention pulling from all areas, social media, twitter, Facebook, videos, TV, movies. To keep your relationship fresh, and paramount, you do have to present your best self. Take a look in the mirror would you date you. Is there something you want to improve on, weight, body whatever to give them your best self. Because we are inundated with sex,sex, sex,everywhere which in turn is a spirit of temptation.
I stay in a sexy mind-set most of the time because I’m sensual. I have to give myself props for this because I kept it contained for one man all these years. Not that I didn’t have temptation or the opportunity but it’s a choice and I have power over that. So say what you want, It works for me. I love being a woman and now that I’m at this age it has increased to the 10th power! I love finding new ways to love my husband.
Keep an open mind ladies especially, update your knowledge and beliefs about sex. Picture if you will a person that is paralyzed or handicapped in a way that does not allow them to have sex in the “normal” way. Yet they want to still be loved and be lov.ing to their partner so they have to come up with other ways to have that intimacy. That may include performing orally, or with toys, or just touching certain parts of the body. They have to become in tune with their skin, senses, and mind-set. Now that you pictured it , doesn’t that do away with being squeamish, or saying something is vulgar, or nasty. Some of you may even say well my partner is not handicapped so we can indulge the regular way. That is true but if you have a partner that desires more and/or to bring another level to your intimacy. Some of us received our information about sex from our upbringing, church, peers, and a lot of it was either wrong or outdated. That is why my opinion is a married couple should be the happiest of all. Because you have that trust between you and your partner to explore and to make it all about each other’s pleasure. The goal should be to enrich the relationship sexually and otherwise. Like “Alice and Wonderland go down the rabbit hole” You become aware.
Warning do not attempt any of this, if you have not taken care of your partners emotional needs. Meeting each other’s emotional needs is the purpose of marriage. Neglect of their emotional needs is the key reason for divorce .
I have so much to share we have to make a part three.
On the next article we will get to the juicy part, ( no pun intended ) ok maybe a little.
Yes, you read it right, this is a blog for married couples ,relationships. I know what some of you are thinking ,she loves to talk about sex and you’re right. I’m legal, married and very sensual. Yes I’m still saved and my husband is still a man of God. Let’s be real , they don’t really mention it in church, it’s like you have to go underground to talk about it. When you’re home it comes up after the bills, after the kids, after dinner, after cleaning, after sports and news. Lights out and ok now we can touch each other late at night like an afterthought. Don’t take too long because we have to get back to the more important things on tomorrow. When you do talk about it with your friends, afterwards you feel guilty like you talked about something dirty. Not I, because it is part of my nature and I’m a very sensual person. I’m grown and married , not to mention in my prime .
Most often during marriage at some point your sex life begins to wean. There are a myriad of reasons why, busy lifestyles, kids , jobs, career, money woes, health, etc, becoming a routine. So let’s prioritize it again. MzLoveviewz says It’s Ok2sexAgain .
I believe married people should have the best time of their lives. Especially sexually, that is our language of love to each other. It is what God ordained for a man and a woman.
Sexcessful ,meaning more intimacy, sex and lovemaking then last year.
Some couples leave their zip codes to spice it up. They go on a trip, to the Caribbean or Poconos, cruise,etc. But once they get back to their zip code back in the little box it goes. To the contrary, bring it on.
Whatever excuses you’ve been using to not engage, drop them. Now there is no set time frame for frequency, some like it more than others. What is your norm, just increase it and it will be conducive to your marriage. When making love you become one, that is the closest you can become to your spouse.
Be spontaneous, be intriguing, playful, flirty and daring. Tease, scream, pant , be erotic, romantic. Downright naughty.
Do you have any inhibitions? If you do, this is the year to do away with them. You’re going to be sexcessful in 2012, because we ‘re going to delve.
Who is the initiator ? Time for you to reverse the roles.
Do you make noise? (screams) ughhhh Silent lovemaking is for turtles, get out of your shell.
Obviously we have more to talk about so there will be a 2nd part to this.
Mmmm, yes I will call it positions, places and toys oh my. It’s going to be Sextacular!