Definition of pressure: a: the burden of physical or mental distress b: the constraint of circumstance: the weight of social or economic imposition.
This albeit is a difficult thing to do yet obtainable. As I write in my blog, I want to share things that are encouraging, helpful, and things I experienced 1st hand.
Love under pressure is something I have dealt with countless times during my marriage. Be it financial, children, emotional, you name it we mostly have handled it. When you have two people that are committed to each other in love and matrimony, you just don’t check out. If difficult times come, (error, rephrase) not if, when difficult times come, the question is how do you handle it, and keep your love alive.
When I say alive, it’s because many times your love for one another will need to be resuscitated. Some people like to say “been through a lot but still standing”. I know what they mean but you can be still standing and about to keel over. The kick stand is about to brake.
Let me share what has worked for us,
1) Develop and have a prayer life with God. The one that sustains you.
Anchor yourself in him, each for yourself and together.
2) You must speak your feelings, your needs and get a plan to tackle the difficulties.
Do not shut down and refuse to communicate. That is a state of withdrawal a divorce.
When you disagree, argue, drop the need to be right, let go of your ego. If one of you loses you both lose so work on understanding the need or issue from each other’s perspective. This is more about comprehension and compassion and less about who’s right or wrong. Hear each other out, resist the urge to interrupt, say I told you so or criticize. You may not agree and at times you won’t but just understand their perspective on it, and their feelings. Connect with them if only in their eyes. Like “ baby I understand”.
I realized earlier on in my marriage is, that if I tear him down verbally, by insults etc. He is still my man and guess who has to take all that necessary time to build him up again, me.
3) Prioritize things, by order of urgency, at the same time do not shuffle your each other in the process. He/she must stay at the top, all the rest of the people and issues in descending order.
4) Commit to a time just for the two of you. During that time it’s all about the both of you, don’t mention the issues. Whether in the bedroom or go release some tension by playing a game of tennis, basketball, play the Wii. Workout together to release that stress, and tension. Get couples massage, or to save money give them to each other. Here’s a secret don’t give the massages to each other on the same day, somebody is going to get cheated because the one that gets the massage first will fall asleep.
5) Strategize, make a budget.
Shoulder the responsibilities, talking with bill collectors, which can cause a lot of stress therefore take turns, give the other one a break. Be honest as possible.
6) When you’re under pressure it is not a pretty picture. It is hard to see them as sexy, handsome, now you’re looking at them with a critical eye. Try not to internalize it because when you internalize it , it becomes a point where you will look at each other differently. Almost as if you’re on opposing sides, it will begin to distort the relationship. I would always remind my husband he’s not sleeping with the enemy, so don’t deal with it by his self. Don’t go to bed mad and refuse to talk. This will frustrate you and in turn you will look for quick ways out to relieve the pressure. Vices of every kind, the arm of flesh, gambling, alcohol, etc. This is the easy way out and must I remind you the wrong way out. Anybody can succumb to illicit pleasures,but it takes a strong mature person to resist the easy way out. When you’ve done all there is to stand, stand therefore.
7) Give each other a lot of praise and affection which will heal the little tears in your spirit and feelings of humiliation or of being inept. It will renew your relationship like new skin.
Remember a threefold cord is not easily broken. That consists of the two of you and God. Which can handle anything that can come against you.
Keep the love alive, trust me the pressure will subside. When it does love will still be there in full force.
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Your blog is great, as usual. When you are a couple it becomes easier, I feel, to cope with the pressures when you both know, in every moment, that you are on the same side. This state of deep trust and love is best built in all those times when you don’t have pressure on you, and then you can stand together when the pressure arises. In doing this, you may discover that you are soul mates, or as I describe it in The God Franchise, that you are in an intimate relationship. I expand the usual meaning of intimacy to include all aspects of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual intimacy. You stand together as one in the Garden of Eden, naked and innocent with each other. You stand as one aspect of God-Consciousness loving another aspect of God-Consciousness. Thank you, Audrey.
Thank you Alan, I aspire to write like you one day. Your perspective is so profound yet you make it very plain. I highly recommend your blog TheGodFranchise.wordpress. You’re my pedagogy.
Thanks for the ‘like’ on my ARISE post (new post here! http://wp.me/sy87h-passion) – thank you for taking the time to write on such a critical topic re marriage. I’ve been married 17 years, have 4 incredible boys and my amazing wife and I have endured much pressure during this time, with and without God. Doing marriage, and life generally, is far more effective with God then without!
Thank you Mark, for commenting and I concur all things better and effective with God. Congratulations on your 17 yrs of marriage, that is a blessing and yes celebrate it in word and deeds. Very inspiring blog you have, what I read refreshed me and encouraged me thank you.