Tag Archive | Stress

Love Under Pressure – 7 Key Factors To Keep The Love Alive

Definition of pressure: a: the burden of physical or mental distress  b: the constraint of circumstance:        the  weight of social or economic imposition.

 

This albeit is a difficult thing to do yet obtainable.   As I write in my blog, I want to share things that are encouraging, helpful, and things I experienced 1st hand.

Love under pressure is something I have dealt with countless times during my marriage. Be it financial, children, emotional, you name it we mostly have handled it. When you have two people that are committed to each other in love and matrimony, you just don’t check out. If difficult times come, (error, rephrase) not if, when difficult times come, the question is how do you handle it, and keep your love alive.

When I say alive, it’s because many times your love for one another will need to be resuscitated. Some people like to say “been through a lot but still standing”. I know what they mean but you can be still standing and about to keel over. The kick stand is about to brake.

Let me share what has worked for us,

1) Develop and have a prayer life with God.  The one that sustains you.

Anchor yourself in him, each for yourself and together.

2) You must speak your feelings, your needs and get a plan to tackle the difficulties.

Do not shut down and refuse to communicate. That is a state of withdrawal a divorce.

When you disagree, argue, drop the need to be right, let go of your ego.    If one of you loses you both lose so work on understanding the need or issue from each other’s perspective.  This is more about comprehension and compassion and less about who’s right or wrong.  Hear each other out, resist the urge to interrupt, say I told you so or criticize.  You may not agree and at times you won’t but just understand their perspective on it, and their feelings.   Connect with them if only in their eyes.  Like “ baby I understand”.

I realized earlier on in my marriage is, that if I tear him down verbally, by insults etc.  He is still my man and guess who has to take all that necessary time to build him up again, me.

3) Prioritize things, by order of urgency, at the same time do not shuffle your each other in the process.  He/she must stay at the top, all the rest of the people and issues in descending order.

4) Commit to a time just for the two of you.  During that time it’s all about the both of you, don’t mention the issues.   Whether in the bedroom or go release some tension by playing a game of tennis, basketball, play the Wii. Workout together to release that stress, and tension. Get couples massage, or to save money give them to each other.   Here’s a secret don’t give the massages to each other on the same day, somebody is going to get cheated because the one that gets the massage first will fall asleep.

5) Strategize, make a budget.

Shoulder the responsibilities, talking with bill collectors, which can cause a lot of stress therefore take turns, give the other one a break.  Be honest as possible.

6) When you’re under pressure it is not a pretty picture. It is hard to see them as sexy, handsome, now you’re looking at them with a critical eye.    Try not to internalize it because when you internalize it , it becomes a point where you will look at each other differently.  Almost as if you’re on opposing sides, it will begin to distort the relationship.  I would always remind my husband he’s not sleeping with the enemy, so don’t deal with it by his self.  Don’t go to bed mad and refuse to talk. This will frustrate you and in turn you will look for quick ways out to relieve the pressure.  Vices of every kind, the arm of flesh, gambling, alcohol, etc.  This is the easy way out and must I remind you the wrong way out.  Anybody can succumb to illicit pleasures,but it takes a strong mature person to resist the easy way out. When you’ve done all there is to stand, stand therefore.

7) Give each other a lot of praise and affection which will heal the little tears in your spirit and feelings of humiliation or of being inept.  It will renew your relationship like new skin.

Remember a threefold cord is not easily broken. That consists of the two of you and God. Which can handle anything that can come against you.

Keep the love alive, trust me the pressure will subside.  When it does love will still be there in full force.

Ok2LoveAgain Marriage/Relationships/Life Coaching

Call us for more factors to keep your love alive.

Coach Carl & Coach Audrey Reed

347-330-6471

Home________ Home (pt 2)

  Relax that is the operative word, when you’re home you want to relax unwind.   Home is a place that should be   comfortable, a place where you can exhale,  and be free.  When your mate comes home it’s not a time to pounce on them with problems like the bills, things that are broke or any stressing issues.  As I said before greet them with a hug a kiss. a massage. Let them unwind for a few minutes, take off their clothes, shower.
Ask them about their day , if you’re not interested just listen , conveyed to them that they do matter.
Have dinner ,eat together, now it’s conversation time.  Now you can interject about your day,  things to bring to their attention.
Play it by ear, you know your mate better than anyone, try to gauge when to bring up certain things. When they seem stressed out it’s not a good time to bring up a topic that will stress them out more.
If you’re uptight use that time to unwind as well, make some coffee or tea, pray, sit silently. Just relax.
Little changes in your overall routine in your daily life can bring about big changes over time.
Perhaps your mate is not working at this present time, due to the recession and the economic times. That alone can be a stressing issue one that accompanies depression, mood swings, feelings of inept. Be very considerate for the one that is not employed. By encouraging them, reassuring them that it’s only a matter before some one hires them. Thank them for cleaning the house, helping out with the kids and the pets. Try not to say negative things even if you ‘re tired and frustrated, know that they are also.  Now the one that is not employed should plan their day where they are allotted time to clean the home , and help prepare the meals before the one that works come home.
Some of you may be thinking , they don’t deserve it , and my reply to that is treat them like they deserve it and soon they will act like they deserve it. Sometime you have to give what you want to receive .
In other words make a deposit before you make a withdrawal. It enriches the entire household.
I know there are some of you that have O.C.D.  everything has to be in its place, has to be meticulous have to be right where you left it . My husband has a form of it and at first it really made me upset, than I realized ok that is the way he is . But I also asked him to relax on certain things concerning his O.C.D. which over time he did which was conducive in us living together this long.  Compromise on both sides, everything can be worked out that will be accommodating for the both of you.
Check the temperature in your home is it cozy? How can you make it more comfortable. Have soft music playing , may I suggest a little instrumental jazz, or some kind of light music. I like instrumental because there’s no words just the music and it allows you to clear your mind without replacing it with words. Like you ever had a song stuck in your mind and it keeps replaying, like a jingle from a commercial.
Ok now you get the picture , take the restrictions off in the house. Must remind you that you’re in a relationship with another adult therefore treat them as such. Let them sit in that beautiful living room, eat on that good china. Let them watch the all-sports channel, or the food channel or my favorite the life channel. It’s what relaxes them, also do something’s that relaxes you.
Lastly I like to touch on  is the bedroom, yes you know I had to go in there. Your Boudoir, should be the most beautiful , sexy, comfortable place in the house.  The Boudoir is another post we have to talk about.  There should be no discussions about the bills, or any things to cause stress in that room. That kind of talk should be off- limits their. It can be a libido killer.  Everything associated with the bedroom should be comfortable, sexy, tranquil, romantic, all about the mutual bond you share and that is love.
Home Sweet Home!
Ok2loveagain Marriage/Relationships/Life coaching
We provide marriage and relationship and personal relationship coaching for “for couples, who are committed to “doing” whatever it takes to make their relationships work better.
Contact Coach Carl/Coach Audrey @ 347-330-6471

Don’t Stress Over The Holidays

Don’t allow the stress of the holidays unwrap the love you and your mate have.

The only thing that should be unraveling is the wrapping paper!

At holiday time, tensions abound even in the best of families. The backdrop for family dinners may have to do with who expects what, who can’t stand whom, whose house is center stage, whose traditions “win,” who’s impossible to buy presents for and who’s jealous of what.

Don’t worry about making everything perfect. Things will go wrong, people will get upset and disappointed. Take it all in stride and remember what the holidays is all about, God, family, love thankfulness and being together.

Between your budget, your family and your physical demands, you have enough on your plate during the holidays without having to deal with added stress. Use these tips on coping with stress to help put you back in the holiday spirit.

Communicate with your mate

Set a budget for you and your mate to shop from. Finance is tight for most people, stick to the budget and be happy.

If you can’t decide whose family house to celebrate, either have dinner at one and dessert at the other. If they are to far away, plan to go there next year. Try having everyone come to your house. Make a reasonable compromise that will make you both happy. You won’t be able to please everybody; just your mate will do just fine.

Let people help you.

Delegate and designate who to do what. Have everyone bring over a dish; those that don’t cook bring paper ware, drinks, and games. Set the food up buffet style, have everyone walk around the table serving themselves.

Before you and your mate go out, make a code word that you can say to each other to alert one another that “ok don’t talk about that”, “ I’m getting upset”, so as you wouldn’t argue or bicker in front of people.
My husband and I would develop some code words that we use to lighten the mood between us whenever family is getting too annoying. Or things seem to be going left, one I would use is ” Honey do you have any lifesavers” because to save us from doing or saying something we can’t get back we use the code to cool things down .

Blended families. 

Don’t be afraid to establish new traditions. Important thing you should remember about your in-laws is ,they made and raised that wonderful person you fell in love with.

Single people don’t let loneliness get to you over the holidays.

You don’t need a mate to be happy. Network with your girlfriends, go out have a gathering at your home, go to a play ,spa.  Go house hopping, party over here, dinner over there, enjoy yourself, network make new friends.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

The holidays are a time to celebrate and give thanks for everyone and everything that you have.
Remember: You may not be able to make your holiday perfect, but you can make it memorable.

Relax; enjoy the excitement of it all.